Tattoo on my left ankle:
ऋषि
Numb Monday, November 23, 2009
Numb.
I feel numbness.
Nothing gets through my guarded walls anymore.
There is a slight echo of what I used to feel.
Its not even enough to be called pain.
Its an ache that I feel on occasion.
I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…. Monday, November 23, 2009
I need my muse back. I haven’t been able to write. I just keep drawing a blank. If I could just have coffee with him and talk–talk about anything and everything. I could get the inspiration I need to write. I just want to feel again. The numbness is consuming me.
LADY ANTEBELLUM-NEED YOU NOW
Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone ’cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now
Woah, woah
Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now
Oh baby, I need you now
Monday, September 21, 2009
I’m laying on the bed.
Watching the fan blades turning.
Turning.
Turning.
Turning.
As I lay here
And think.
Ponder.
Assess.
What’s next?
How do I get where I wanna be?
(thoughts) Monday, September 21, 2009
I could’ve been your everything.
I could’ve been your stars in the sky.
I could’ve been your every fantasy come true.
I could’ve been YOUR perfection.
But you walked away.
You held me close and told me how amazing I was.
How you pictured our lives intertwined.
How your fantasy world revolved around me.
How you wanted to be with me.
And then you took it all back.
It felt so real.
It felt so right.
I thought that-for once- things would turn out how I planned.
But like everything else, the rug was pulled out from under me.
Leaving me….
To start over.
I guess the bright side is,
I was already on the ground.
Easier to find all the broken pieces of my heart that you left behind.
I will always love you.
Because no matter what,
You taught me more about myself
Than I ever knew before.
As for getting over you,
I don’t think its possible,
To move past perfection.
Though, I do think I’m tired
Of fighting this battle.
Because one thing I know
Is that I will never win.
While I sit here writing this,
I realize I’m wearing your shirt.
I’m still holding on,
When all I NEED to do is let go….
SCREAMING Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thoughts of my past are screaming in my head.
I can’t make them stop.
I can’t make them end.
I push through one memory,
That stabs straight through my heart.
Only to be bombarded by the next,
That simply tears me apart.
Thoughts of my life are screaming in my head.
Please make them stop.
Please make them end.
Reprieval from Death Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Letting go was the hardest thingI’ve had to do.
I can’t help how much I’ve missed you.
The sound of your voice was like a reprieval from death.
Like putting air back into my lungs,
So I could breathe again.
These months, going on without you;
Have made me feel comatose.
Just floating along without real purpose or aim.
Feeling I have nothing left to gain.
While happiness has eluded me,
Sadness has enveloped me.
Though thankfully, my anger has subsided.
Leaving a fluxion of emotions,
Waiting for the day we’re reunited.
Out of the Ashes Thursday, February 5, 2009
As it all came to one final climactic end
On that dismal late night
All I could think was why
Why had he promised the world
And only delivered ashes
When it all ended
All I wanted to do is mentally rewind the time spent
The times we made each other laugh
The times we fought all night
How good it felt to say ‘I love you’
And realize I meant it with everything in me
And how hard its gonna be
To not hear those words reciprocated everyday
For the rest of my life
Like I was promised
When the images stopped flashing through my head
Like an old silent movie
I wondered if it was worth it
If I regret any of it
And the answer was a resounding no….
So somehow
Out of the ashes
I’ll emerge
Ready for a brand new day
Maybe with a few pieces of my heart forever missing
But still….ready.
JUST ONE LOOK Saturday, December 27, 2008
The world spins.
My body relaxes.
My heart stops.
My mind races.
A smile shows on my lips.
The room is empty.
Nothing else matters.
The future becomes clear.
All this with just one look from you.
The world stops.
My body tenses.
My heart races.
My mind is at a stand still.
My lips quiver.
The room is now spinning.
Only you and I matter.
The future is so clear.
All this with just one kiss from you.
With just a look you turn my world upside down.
With a kiss you make me realize why I like it that way.
And with my heart in your hands,
Promise me you’ll always stay.
Learning to Survive Monday, December 8, 2008
Embrace LOVE
to
Survive LIFE
People need something to hold onto when they are falling. Otherwise, they will crash and burn. Finding ways to embrace love is the key to survival. Its not easy to find the good in the midst of so many bad things. But don’t worry, the good is always there. There is someone to love you. Someone to lean on. Someone to turn to. And believe it or not, there is always you. You may be the only person that can love you enough to take care of you. But even YOU are stronger than you think you are. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We want someone else to be there. We want someone else to pick up the pieces and put us back together when we fall. No matter if we WANT someone else there, we have the strength to endure to the end on our own. Its how God made us. We are resilient creatures. Though it is easier to have someone else there to help us through the hard times, we must–at some point–learn to stand on our own two feet and fight for what we believe and for what we love.
“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.”
~The Notebook (Noah)
