I’m thinking of getting a tattoo on my hip of the word “sage” in hindi. It is absolutely beautiful.
ऋषि
Its a word that means a lot to me. You-Know-Who knows why. I have been through so much lately. I just want to do something that means a lot to me, for me. Something that will remind me of what I am striving for. Hmm….(to be cont….)
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said ‘yes I think we’ve met before’
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn’t get in
Now you’re outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It’s nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn’t choose
I’ll write you a postcard
I’ll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…
Live through this, and you won’t look back…
Live through this, and you won’t look back…
Live through this, and you won’t look back…
THERE’S ONE THING I WANT TO SAY, SO I’LL BE BRAVE
YOU WERE WHAT I WANTED
I GAVE WHAT I GAVE
I’M NOT SORRY I MET YOU
I’M NOT SORRY IT’S OVER
I’M NOT SORRY THERE’S NOTHING TO SAY
I’M NOT SORRY THERE’S NOTHING TO SAY…
Thoughts of my past are screaming in my head.
I can’t make them stop.
I can’t make them end.
I push through one memory,
That stabs straight through my heart.
Only to be bombarded by the next,
That simply tears me apart.
Thoughts of my life are screaming in my head.
Please make them stop.
Please make them end.
Letting go was the hardest thingI’ve had to do.
I can’t help how much I’ve missed you.
The sound of your voice was like a reprieval from death.
Like putting air back into my lungs,
So I could breathe again.
These months, going on without you;
Have made me feel comatose.
Just floating along without real purpose or aim.
Feeling I have nothing left to gain.
While happiness has eluded me,
Sadness has enveloped me.
Though thankfully, my anger has subsided.
Leaving a fluxion of emotions,
Waiting for the day we’re reunited.
As it all came to one final climactic end
On that dismal late night
All I could think was why
Why had he promised the world
And only delivered ashes
When it all ended
All I wanted to do is mentally rewind the time spent
The times we made each other laugh
The times we fought all night
How good it felt to say ‘I love you’
And realize I meant it with everything in me
And how hard its gonna be
To not hear those words reciprocated everyday
For the rest of my life
Like I was promised
When the images stopped flashing through my head
Like an old silent movie
I wondered if it was worth it
If I regret any of it
And the answer was a resounding no….
So somehow
Out of the ashes
I’ll emerge
Ready for a brand new day
Maybe with a few pieces of my heart forever missing
But still….ready.
“It wasn’t easy for me to say.
But I blurted it out anyway,
You are my perfection.”
You understand my tone of voice. And what it means when I get quiet. Or giggle in the middle of a serious conversation. You know what faces I’m making when we are talking on the phone. You know how to make me laugh. No matter my mood. You know how to make me feel loved. By doing all the little things that matter so much. And the big things that no one else has ever done. From watching for the flame to reflect in my eyes. To making sure I’m taken care of. You know me. Better than anyone else. You. Know. Me. You know why I do the stupid things I do. And when you don’t know. You ask. You have more patience with me than I have ever thought anyone could possibly have with one person. Even when we fight. The conversation still ends on a good note. Laughing at each other. And still saying I love you in the end. We see the same things in our futures. We both want the same things out of life. I haven’t felt like I could let someone in for a very long time. Like I have with you. Especially after everything I’ve been through. But you showed me that happiness is possible. And that if I just trust you. And allow you in. That you will hold my heart gently. And not let it fall.
Everything you say to me. Everything you do. There will never be anyone that captures everything I need. Or could want. Quite the way you do. Therefore you. And only you. Are my perfection.
The world spins.
My body relaxes.
My heart stops.
My mind races.
A smile shows on my lips.
The room is empty.
Nothing else matters.
The future becomes clear.
All this with just one look from you.
The world stops.
My body tenses.
My heart races.
My mind is at a stand still.
My lips quiver.
The room is now spinning.
Only you and I matter.
The future is so clear.
All this with just one kiss from you.
With just a look you turn my world upside down.
With a kiss you make me realize why I like it that way.
And with my heart in your hands,
Promise me you’ll always stay.
Embrace LOVE
to
Survive LIFE
People need something to hold onto when they are falling. Otherwise, they will crash and burn. Finding ways to embrace love is the key to survival. Its not easy to find the good in the midst of so many bad things. But don’t worry, the good is always there. There is someone to love you. Someone to lean on. Someone to turn to. And believe it or not, there is always you. You may be the only person that can love you enough to take care of you. But even YOU are stronger than you think you are. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We want someone else to be there. We want someone else to pick up the pieces and put us back together when we fall. No matter if we WANT someone else there, we have the strength to endure to the end on our own. Its how God made us. We are resilient creatures. Though it is easier to have someone else there to help us through the hard times, we must–at some point–learn to stand on our own two feet and fight for what we believe and for what we love.
“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.”
~The Notebook (Noah)
Lookout
“Hell is a state of mind,” Heaven is “reality itself.”
-C.S. Lewis
I heard this yesterday, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. In this plane that we live in, it makes sense to look at life this way. And it helps me to sort my thoughts a little better. If you feel you are in hell, you are the only one that can pull yourself out.
That being said, I have finally made my life altering decisions that I have been too scared to make for the last few months. I am going to stay in Houston until at least the end of January, saving money. Once I feel that I have enough money to move, I will go to Tennessee. I’m going to settle in around the Nashville area and in, hopefully, the summer I will go back to school. Lawson is going to start school in August. So our lives are going to be very hectic.
The present plan is to double major in english and business. I would like to go into book editing or music publishing-which I would like to intern in one of while I’m in school. Hence the reason I will be going to school around the Nashville area. There are many opportunities in either field.
Not to mention, I absolutely love Tennessee. It is so beautiful there. And the weather is perfect. I will be able to enjoy the fall….with leaves turning colors and being able to layer my clothes!! I love to layer!
Off a country road
State Capitol
Upriver in Nashville
I’m very excited to be able to go to this beautiful place and start over. I will miss my best friends, but it will be worth it. And I will be able to visit them every so often. I hope that they will be able to support me and help me through this hard time before I go. I don’t think I can do it without them.
I’ve had a lot of time to think recently. Someone that I thought was an honest, respectable person has proven to be anything but. He hurt me with his actions and lies, though I have learned so many things about myself in the few days that these events transpired. I am very excited about what is ahead for me now. I have a really great friend that has been there for me through all of this and helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what I would do without him. He is my sunshine on a cloudy day (haha….so cliche). He has helped me to make some really big decisions, and I am so thankful for that. I hope to one day be there for him the way he is there for me right now.
To be continued….
