Numb.
I feel numbness.
Nothing gets through my guarded walls anymore.
There is a slight echo of what I used to feel.
Its not even enough to be called pain.
Its an ache that I feel on occasion.
I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…. Monday, November 23, 2009
I need my muse back. I haven’t been able to write. I just keep drawing a blank. If I could just have coffee with him and talk–talk about anything and everything. I could get the inspiration I need to write. I just want to feel again. The numbness is consuming me.
LADY ANTEBELLUM-NEED YOU NOW
Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone ’cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now
Woah, woah
Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now
Oh baby, I need you now
Sage Thursday, November 5, 2009
I’m thinking of getting a tattoo on my hip of the word “sage” in hindi. It is absolutely beautiful.
ऋषि
Its a word that means a lot to me. You-Know-Who knows why. I have been through so much lately. I just want to do something that means a lot to me, for me. Something that will remind me of what I am striving for. Hmm….(to be cont….)
STARS–EX-LOVER IS DEAD Wednesday, October 14, 2009
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said ‘yes I think we’ve met before’
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn’t get in
Now you’re outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It’s nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn’t choose
I’ll write you a postcard
I’ll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…
Live through this, and you won’t look back…
Live through this, and you won’t look back…
Live through this, and you won’t look back…
THERE’S ONE THING I WANT TO SAY, SO I’LL BE BRAVE
YOU WERE WHAT I WANTED
I GAVE WHAT I GAVE
I’M NOT SORRY I MET YOU
I’M NOT SORRY IT’S OVER
I’M NOT SORRY THERE’S NOTHING TO SAY
I’M NOT SORRY THERE’S NOTHING TO SAY…
Monday, September 21, 2009
I’m laying on the bed.
Watching the fan blades turning.
Turning.
Turning.
Turning.
As I lay here
And think.
Ponder.
Assess.
What’s next?
How do I get where I wanna be?
(thoughts) Monday, September 21, 2009
I could’ve been your everything.
I could’ve been your stars in the sky.
I could’ve been your every fantasy come true.
I could’ve been YOUR perfection.
But you walked away.
You held me close and told me how amazing I was.
How you pictured our lives entertwined.
How your fantasy world revolved around me.
How you wanted to be with me.
And then you took it all back.
It felt so real.
It felt so right.
I thought that-for once- things would turn out how I planned.
But like everything else, the rug was pulled out from under me.
Leaving me….
To start over.
I guess the bright side is,
I was already on the ground.
Easier to find all the broken pieces of my heart that you left behind.
I will always love you.
Because no matter what,
You taught me more about myself
Than I ever knew before.
As for getting over you,
I don’t think its possible,
To move past perfection.
Though, I do think I’m tired
Of fighting this battle.
Because one thing I know
Is that I will never win.
While I sit here writing this,
I realize I’m wearing your shirt.
I’m still holding on,
When all I NEED to do is let go….
SCREAMING Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thoughts of my past are screaming in my head.
I can’t make them stop.
I can’t make them end.
I push through one memory,
That stabs straight through my heart.
Only to be bombarded by the next,
That simply tears me apart.
Thoughts of my life are screaming in my head.
Please make them stop.
Please make them end.
Reprieval from Death Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Letting go was the hardest thingI’ve had to do.
I can’t help how much I’ve missed you.
The sound of your voice was like a reprieval from death.
Like putting air back into my lungs,
So I could breathe again.
These months, going on without you;
Have made me feel comatose.
Just floating along without real purpose or aim.
Feeling I have nothing left to gain.
While happiness has eluded me,
Sadness has enveloped me.
Though thankfully, my anger has subsided.
Leaving a fluxion of emotions,
Waiting for the day we’re reunited.
Out of the Ashes Thursday, February 5, 2009
As it all came to one final climactic end
On that dismal late night
All I could think was why
Why had he promised the world
And only delivered ashes
When it all ended
All I wanted to do is mentally rewind the time spent
The times we made each other laugh
The times we fought all night
How good it felt to say ‘I love you’
And realize I meant it with everything in me
And how hard its gonna be
To not hear those words reciprocated everyday
For the rest of my life
Like I was promised
When the images stopped flashing through my head
Like an old silent movie
I wondered if it was worth it
If I regret any of it
And the answer was a resounding no….
So somehow
Out of the ashes
I’ll emerge
Ready for a brand new day
Maybe with a few pieces of my heart forever missing
But still….ready.
You are my Perfection Friday, January 30, 2009
“It wasn’t easy for me to say.
But I blurted it out anyway,
You are my perfection.”
You understand my tone of voice. And what it means when I get quiet. Or giggle in the middle of a serious conversation. You know what faces I’m making when we are talking on the phone. You know how to make me laugh. No matter my mood. You know how to make me feel loved. By doing all the little things that matter so much. And the big things that no one else has ever done. From watching for the flame to reflect in my eyes. To making sure I’m taken care of. You know me. Better than anyone else. You. Know. Me. You know why I do the stupid things I do. And when you don’t know. You ask. You have more patience with me than I have ever thought anyone could possibly have with one person. Even when we fight. The conversation still ends on a good note. Laughing at each other. And still saying I love you in the end. We see the same things in our futures. We both want the same things out of life. I haven’t felt like I could let someone in for a very long time. Like I have with you. Especially after everything I’ve been through. But you showed me that happiness is possible. And that if I just trust you. And allow you in. That you will hold my heart gently. And not let it fall.
Everything you say to me. Everything you do. There will never be anyone that captures everything I need. Or could want. Quite the way you do. Therefore you. And only you. Are my perfection.
