I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…. Monday, November 23, 2009

I need my muse back. I haven’t been able to write. I just keep drawing a blank. If I could just have coffee with him and talk–talk about anything and everything. I could get the inspiration I need to write. I just want to feel again. The numbness is consuming me.

 

LADY ANTEBELLUM-NEED YOU NOW

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone ’cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

(thoughts) Monday, September 21, 2009

I could’ve been your everything.

I could’ve been your stars in the sky.

I could’ve been your every fantasy come true.

I could’ve been YOUR perfection.

But you walked away.

You held me close and told me how amazing I was.

How you pictured our lives intertwined.

How your fantasy world revolved around me.

How you wanted to be with me.

And then you took it all back.

It felt so real.

It felt so right.

I thought that-for once- things would turn out how I planned.

But like everything else, the rug was pulled out from under me.

Leaving me….

To start over.

I guess the bright side is,

I was already on the ground.

Easier to find all the broken pieces of my heart that you left behind.

I will always love you.

Because no matter what,

You taught me more about myself

Than I ever knew before.

As for getting over you,

I don’t think its possible,

To move past perfection.

Though, I do think I’m tired

Of fighting this battle.

Because one thing I know

Is that I will never win.

While I sit here writing this,

I realize I’m wearing your shirt.

I’m still holding on,

When all I NEED to do is let go….

Reprieval from Death Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Letting go was the hardest thingI’ve had to do.

I can’t help how much I’ve missed you.

The sound of your voice was like a reprieval from death.

Like putting air back into my lungs,

So I could breathe again.

 

These months, going on without you;

Have made me feel comatose.

Just floating along without real purpose or aim.

Feeling I have nothing left to gain.

 

While happiness has eluded me,

Sadness has enveloped me.

Though thankfully, my anger has subsided.

Leaving a fluxion of emotions,

Waiting for the day we’re reunited.

Out of the Ashes Thursday, February 5, 2009

As it all came to one final climactic end

On that dismal late night

All I could think was why

Why had he promised the world

And only delivered ashes

 

When it all ended

All I wanted to do is mentally rewind the time spent

The times we made each other laugh

The times we fought all night

How good it felt to say ‘I love you’

And realize I meant it with everything in me

And how hard its gonna be

To not hear those words reciprocated everyday

For the rest of my life

Like I was promised

 

When the images stopped flashing through my head

Like an old silent movie

I wondered if it was worth it

If I regret any of it

And the answer was a resounding no….

 

So somehow

Out of the ashes

I’ll emerge

Ready for a brand new day

Maybe with a few pieces of my heart forever missing

But still….ready.

JUST ONE LOOK Saturday, December 27, 2008

The world spins.
My body relaxes.
My heart stops.
My mind races.
A smile shows on my lips.
The room is empty.
Nothing else matters.
The future becomes clear.
All this with just one look from you.

The world stops.
My body tenses.
My heart races.
My mind is at a stand still.
My lips quiver.
The room is now spinning.
Only you and I matter.
The future is so clear.
All this with just one kiss from you.

With just a look you turn my world upside down.
With a kiss you make me realize why I like it that way.
And with my heart in your hands,
Promise me you’ll always stay.